Well, I did lose that close friendship with Ella to that other girl, Eva. I was still madly in love with Jason, though. I followed him around, flirted with him and cried. I cried because I never had the chance to be his girlfriend. I wrote songs about him but never won his heart. I still had a few close friends, though but I was gradually losing more and more to Eva.
Sixth grade came around and all of us were excited to move from elementary school to middle school. We were overjoyed to have lockers and not have to walk in a single-file line with our "safe hands". We got to play in sports (my favorite being cross-country in sixth grade) and enjoy electives after a hard day of classes. Student Council intrigued us as well as the dances. We got to stay up until 8:00 pm dancing with the boys in the super small gym. I was asked by almost every single one.
Well, the downfall came around the fourth quarter when I was out at recess with my friends. My close friend, Mary, and I were walking when we saw a group of our friends with their arms linked doing syncronized walking "thing". We wanted to join it but then they told us "There are too many girls, you can't join." We understood and began to walk away when we saw four other girls request the same thing; the group let them join. Mary and I were deeply hurt by that and then went over to the swings and gossiped about them.
The next event was when we were all playing a game on the slide. A girl slid down the slide side-ways and slammed into the next girl at the bottom. You'd keep doing this until the person at the end of the slide fell. Well, as people piled on, more people complained about not being able to breath. I was one of them. A few girls decided that since I was small, I had to be the last person to slide down. It wasn't fun being the last person. I asked if I could at least be the third to last but they wouldn't compromise. Then I told them that I wasn't the only one complaining and they told me I couldn't play anymore. So, I went off by myself and cried in a corner. Jason didn't like me, my friends rejected me and not even one of the girls on the slide decided to walk over and comfort me.
Then, three girls named Sam, Annie and Bridget sat down and comforted me. I told them my story and they asked if I wanted to hang out with them. They weren't the most popular girls or anything but they were still very nice people. They showed me a new world. There was no drama whereas with my other friends, there was a fight at least four days out of the five in the school week. I enjoyed being with my new friends and we had a lot of fun together.
Then, summer began and I really didn't do much except go to the library and get on the computer since my mom got rid of the internet at home. She also got rid of the cable but I wasn't much of a T.V. watcher anyways.
School began again in August and I was excited because Jason was in my homeroom for seventh grade according to the class sheet. However, the day before the day before school, I lost my school supply list. I had to go to Ella's house (since she lived close to me) and get it. My mom embarrassed me by talking to her mom about Jason and how I was madly in love with him. Ella's mom then said "Oh, Jason isn't coming back this year. He's going to a different school because he was struggling with this one." The news hit me like a ton of bricks and when I returned home I went up to my bedroom and began to cry. I cried and cried until I fell asleep and then woke up the next morning to see the sun shining brightly in the sky. Stupid sun. How could it shine like nothing's ever happened? I slumped out of my room grumpily and got ready for the day. I went to Staples and got my school supplies and then found my uniform and set out everything for the next day.
I went to school and was very unhappy since Jason wasn't there. We also had a really tough social studies teacher who made my grades drop so I wasn't on the honor roll anymore. Drama struck my group at last around the middle of the year. Bridget wanted to go hang out with another group. We all were very sad because she didn't want to hang out with us.
Then the sun started to peak behind the horizon in the dark world inside myself when I got on facebook and chatted with a friend as you all might recall as Ricky. I talked with him about family troubles, trips, and Jason. I wanted to invite Jason to one of the school dances. I found his phone number in the directory and asked Ricky if Jason would say yes to me. Ricky said he would. So, I nervously called Jason and asked him if he would come. He said yes!
So, Jason came to the dance and I danced with him and then realized I didn't really like this kid; I liked Ricky. So, one day, while Ricky and I were on the computer, he asked me who I like while we were playing "truth or truth" (You can't really do dare over the computer). I spelled out his name in stars and he soon figured it out. Then, he used a play-on-words with my name saying he like me. I almost toppled over my chair in excitement. We decided to keep it secret except I did tell Sam and Annie because they don't spread rumors, especially about their friends.
At school, during my computer elective, Ricky decided to sit by me instead of his friends and he talked with me a lot. We really had a good time. But, little did I know that this love I gave to him would soon get to his head and he'd think he had it all...
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Drama begins
It had to happen sooner or later so why not then? I fell in love in third grade. I finally noticed the charming appearence of one of the boys in my class. I followed him around, talked to him a lot and soon everybody knew that I liked him. However, the feeling wasn't mutual for Jason (I'm using pseudonyms for everybody by the way) because another girl named Kathy had caught his eye.
While I was chasing after Jason, another boy named Ricky was chasing after me. He played with my hair all the time and wanted to sit by me. He was rather overweight and smelled kind of bad and my shallow little self didn't want that in a guy. I didn't pay much attention to him.
Well, school ended and the season loved by all children began. I hung out with my best friend, Ella. She lived in the neighborhood adjacent to mine so we both belonged to separate pools. She invited me to hers as a guest and I invited her to mine. We came to each other's houses and ate ice cream from the ice cream truck on the porches and played lots of games. We also did swim team for our pools and got to see each other then. We saw each other almost every day during the summer to tell you the truth.
Another friend I got to see a lot during the summer was my next-door-neighbor's grandson named Everett. My brother and I played "war" with him and really had a good time.
Fourth grade was where all the trouble began. There was a pretty new girl named Eva and I kindly walked over and asked her if she would like to be my friend. "I'll think about it." was her reply. I'd never been rejected in my life. That was just the start. Kathy and Jason had "broken-up" over the summer and I was excited to finally have my shot at my crush. However, I was stopped short in my tracks when I noticed that Jason and Eva were getting together. I was crushed. My solution? Well, she was in my reading class and so was Jason. So, I decided to hang out with her for that class and we became okay friends for a while and I got to be with Jason. However, as the year progressed, she began to steal Ella away from me. Ella and I had been really good friends during the summer and I didn't want that friendship to fade...
While I was chasing after Jason, another boy named Ricky was chasing after me. He played with my hair all the time and wanted to sit by me. He was rather overweight and smelled kind of bad and my shallow little self didn't want that in a guy. I didn't pay much attention to him.
Well, school ended and the season loved by all children began. I hung out with my best friend, Ella. She lived in the neighborhood adjacent to mine so we both belonged to separate pools. She invited me to hers as a guest and I invited her to mine. We came to each other's houses and ate ice cream from the ice cream truck on the porches and played lots of games. We also did swim team for our pools and got to see each other then. We saw each other almost every day during the summer to tell you the truth.
Another friend I got to see a lot during the summer was my next-door-neighbor's grandson named Everett. My brother and I played "war" with him and really had a good time.
Fourth grade was where all the trouble began. There was a pretty new girl named Eva and I kindly walked over and asked her if she would like to be my friend. "I'll think about it." was her reply. I'd never been rejected in my life. That was just the start. Kathy and Jason had "broken-up" over the summer and I was excited to finally have my shot at my crush. However, I was stopped short in my tracks when I noticed that Jason and Eva were getting together. I was crushed. My solution? Well, she was in my reading class and so was Jason. So, I decided to hang out with her for that class and we became okay friends for a while and I got to be with Jason. However, as the year progressed, she began to steal Ella away from me. Ella and I had been really good friends during the summer and I didn't want that friendship to fade...
Introduction
Hi, I have lived a complicated life in short amount of years. I have had everything and then lossed it all. I have faced massive depression and confusion leading to many days locked in my closet crying my eyes out. I have kept a personal journal in the bottom drawer of my nightstand to write in. It captures my memories, losses and such and now I will bring those words spoken by me as a young child to the young adult I now am unto you, my reader.
I was eight-years-old when I wrote my first entry. I pretty much just jotted down anything that came to mind in little random spurts. After much filtering, I have now come to a short summary of that first entry.
I was in the third grade at a k-8 school called Littleton Academy. We had to wear uniforms there but, as a young child, I didn't care much about fashion anyways. We were to wear a plaid or navy blue skirt or kaki or navy blue pants or shorts and a red, navy blue, hunter green, yellow or white polo shirt. I remember calling my best friend early in the morining saying "I'm wearing a red polo shirt and plaid skirt today." When we arrived at school, she would be wearing the same thing. I would join my my many other friends at recess and play fun games of jump rope and "midgets". We all pretended we were babies and had one mommy who was the tallest girl in the third grade. I was usually the naugty little baby that never followed orders.
In school, I was above average in most of my classes although I neglected to do my homework a good part of the time. I still ended up with good grades and was ready to pass the quarter. I was in the highest language arts class partly because of my love of reading at an early age. I remember that I was the one sitting with my legs crossed and book opened across my lap in my spare time in the classroom. This moment brings back memories of first grade.
I was born premature so I was rather small. I was pretty darn cute (not to toot my own horn). I also had a twin brother who was put in the other homeroom. If he would have been put in the same one, things could've turned out way different for me. Well, all the girls wanted to be my friend and they wanted to hold me like a little baby doll. I also had really long hair that they were all very jealous of. The boys liked me a lot, too. To get back to that memory, I was sitting cross-legged in my reading class scanning the pages of a book with my eyes. All of a sudden, a boy jumped over me and then another and then another. They had made a little game out of jumping over the smallest girl in the class. I enjoyed this and took my friendships and popularity for granted. I never thought I'd lose any of it for I didn't know about the impending events that were to come in a few more years...
I was eight-years-old when I wrote my first entry. I pretty much just jotted down anything that came to mind in little random spurts. After much filtering, I have now come to a short summary of that first entry.
I was in the third grade at a k-8 school called Littleton Academy. We had to wear uniforms there but, as a young child, I didn't care much about fashion anyways. We were to wear a plaid or navy blue skirt or kaki or navy blue pants or shorts and a red, navy blue, hunter green, yellow or white polo shirt. I remember calling my best friend early in the morining saying "I'm wearing a red polo shirt and plaid skirt today." When we arrived at school, she would be wearing the same thing. I would join my my many other friends at recess and play fun games of jump rope and "midgets". We all pretended we were babies and had one mommy who was the tallest girl in the third grade. I was usually the naugty little baby that never followed orders.
In school, I was above average in most of my classes although I neglected to do my homework a good part of the time. I still ended up with good grades and was ready to pass the quarter. I was in the highest language arts class partly because of my love of reading at an early age. I remember that I was the one sitting with my legs crossed and book opened across my lap in my spare time in the classroom. This moment brings back memories of first grade.
I was born premature so I was rather small. I was pretty darn cute (not to toot my own horn). I also had a twin brother who was put in the other homeroom. If he would have been put in the same one, things could've turned out way different for me. Well, all the girls wanted to be my friend and they wanted to hold me like a little baby doll. I also had really long hair that they were all very jealous of. The boys liked me a lot, too. To get back to that memory, I was sitting cross-legged in my reading class scanning the pages of a book with my eyes. All of a sudden, a boy jumped over me and then another and then another. They had made a little game out of jumping over the smallest girl in the class. I enjoyed this and took my friendships and popularity for granted. I never thought I'd lose any of it for I didn't know about the impending events that were to come in a few more years...
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